A Spoiled Brat Reflects: Something Happened on the Way to Nirvana

“So this is Christmas and what have you done?”

I am human, therefore, I shall reflect on the past year(s).

A little over two weeks ago I broke the cookie jar.  My first reaction, of course, was to attempt to gather all of the pieces.  It did not matter if the cookie jar appeared to be beyond repair – it shattered into a lot of little pieces – I WANTED TO FIX IT.  It took the words of my partner for me to stop trying to pick up the pieces – it was a cheap cookie jar, she claimed.  Call it obsessive behavior if you want, I will call it human nature.  We all aspire to fix up what we have.

***

“You are a moron,” was the exact phrase a friend said to me a couple of nights ago.  It bothered her that I left my “cozy” job to join a small company just to “find myself.”  To top it off, midway this year, I decided to rejoin an old company I left three years ago – less the creature comforts. She was amazed.

I survived a year of living on a very tight budget.  I am thankful that I had a lot of support from the people who are dear to me.  Although I know that they cannot understand fully what was going through my mind, they stood by me.  I did not hear the words telling me to stop what I was doing. I knew I had to find my groove once more.  I had to stay on the path.  I had to get “hungry” once more.

You, the one who stood by me all these years, thank you.

***

Over the years, I have also amassed a spectacular amount of junk.  Little trinkets from the past left to rot in boxes.  Today, I do not even know where those boxes are.  They are probably in our old house or probably here in our present address – ah, the trappings of living in large houses.

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