Real-world Solutions for the Philippine Condition

As I type this out in my microscopic room in the Philippines, more rain probably came down from the heavens, Janet Napoles is probably snoring in her Sta.Rosa, Laguna jail, and the troops of Misuari are getting high (as reported in the news).  Each day passes in the daily telenovela that passs off as a country called the Philippines.  With the telenovela comes a lot of drama and that drama always finds itself online.

Watching people online regularly made me realize this:  The Filipinos are an angry bunch online.   They’re mad at how government treated them so far.  They’re pissed off when there are floods.  They’re rabid whenever they get stuck in traffic.  They froth in the mouth whenever the PDAF scam is brought up and would probably love to drive a bamboo pole through Janet Napoles and have her spit-roasted, serve her up with senators as garnishing.  One can easily sense that anger in posts on Facebook, Twitter, feedback forms on blogs and on news sites.  In previous issues, the commentary on news sites had been unforgiving during the time of PGMA scandals, the RH debates and Corona impeachment.  Online, people will go at it just to prove whose piss goes highest.  People will post angry stuff whenever they can.  I just do not know if any “real” working ideas came out of these exercises of mental masturbation.

I know that there are people from all over the country who try to do their part in coming up with solutions, from enlightening the masses to organizing mass action; they should be commended for doing so.  Government will always say that it is doing its darn best to serve and there will be people who will always state the opposing view.  For most part, I do believe that most people are too engaged in their own thing to bother engaging those sitting in the halls of governance to come up with ways to have the system serve the people better.   In other words, this country is locked in a self-perpetuating cycle that will take generations to break and people are too busy to notice.  Honestly, I don’t think that I will still be alive when I can see my fellow Filipinos shout to the world that they are no longer poor.  With that, I’d like to see solutions that can benefit ME today, and possibly in the future.

It is time to park the BS on the side of the straight path.  Let us all be practical about where we want this country to go.  I propose the following solutions to the Philippine Government and the Filipino People:

  1. Budget appropriation for creation of the National Time Machine and Multiverse Transport.  It will be an instant exit for those who want out of the country and its troubles.  Once completed, this machine will be for all those who wish for the following:

    Maybe we can just get people in a hot tub. It might work.

    • Martial Law to come back.  I originally wanted a Marcos reanimating machine but ruled against the moral implications of bringing someone back from the dead.  The time machine is better and is more flexible in application.  I am sure that the hordes of loyalists will appreciate this machine and treat it as a complement to the highways and roads built by the former strongman.
    • Declaring this country as part of the USA.  Getting someone into a more influential position to declare the Philippines as a US state would be easier in the past than in our current position.
    • Those who think that we should all be in an alternate universe where this country didn’t make the decision of heading off into wherever current state it is in right now.
  2. Budget appropriation for the creation of the National Smart People Multiplier Pill for Smart People.  Simply put, this amazing pill greatly improves the fertility rates of the smart people in the country.  I put this proposal forward for the following reasons:
    • Realizing that the Catholic Church won’t budge on its anti-RH position and government would always be pressured by it, there has to be a middle ground in the reproductive health and population debate.
    • This is also for the people who believe that the poor dumb people vastly outnumber the rich smart people and thus should be excluded from making their thoughts felt in the national scope.
    • When the population hits critical mass and there won’t be enough food to go around, the smart people will find a way to make the dead dumb people AND dead smart people palatable enough for human consumption.  Hungry people won’t complain about the food they eat.
    • This amazing pill will also be the solution for all the Filipinos who think that understanding satire should be at the vanguard of intellectualism.  There will be more people around who are full of themselves as the next Juan.  This will also save them the trouble of calling someone bobo or tanga online, as if it makes them instantly smart.
  3.  Budget appropriation for a National CCTV + Internet Access system with instant YouTube, Facebook and Twitter upload with optional person zapper function and optional instant selfie function with optional auto-background selection AND super-dooper smile enhancing function.  People can have the following:
    • Sure, we all want someone watching over us.

      News (or sex) as fresh as it can get.  People don’t have to wait for a “scandal.”

    • The power to zap people as they see fit, for justice and for the heck of it.  They can obsess with public officials not doing their jobs or simply bully someone through the internet because they can, and this time with real physical pain.
    • Post decent selfies of themselves whenever they’re not too concerned with national issues.
  4. Budget appropriation for a National Cross-stitching Program.  This is simply for the people with too much time in their hands.  This will also work well for government employees who prefer to scratch their itchy hands using  Philippine Pesos.

These proposals, I believe, will make this country great again.  I humbly submit them, or not.  If the people don’t like these ideas, their alternative is always to suck it up and productively deal with it.  Useless anger can only give us high blood pressure.



  1. This time machine of yours, how much funding would this need? I have a few people I’d like to deport. 🙂

    Yung sa anti-dynasty thing, I don’t agree with it. It’s too simplistic. Plus it’s kinda hard to define a political dynasty. So if I don’t want you, Brian, running for office, I’d simply sponsor a cousin of yours to run. Tapos. We may be able get rid of political clans but then we’d be faced with kabarkada politics. We’d still have the same problem because the issue is not that they’re all related; but because they’re corrupt. Ke magkamaganak o hindi, magsasabwatan yan. We need better candidates and a better set of voters (I suppose).

    Also, methinks people are angry because it’s easier than actually analyzing things and coming up with a suggestion. Right now things are really crazy. Di ko na maintindihan ang takbo ng utak ng mga tao. Naguguluhan na ako sa mga pronouncements ng mga personalities. Letsugas.

  2. Hi. I wrote one very long post (Why is the Philippines poor and Japan rich? about this just recently in reply to a post, condemning Filipino culture. I guess, one of the reasons people get mad now is because of the flow of information. One of the interesting documentaries by BBC I’ve seen is how the social media helped the Arab spring – people now get to compare governments, lifestyles, taxes /tax breaks and learn of abuses. Anyway, I disagree with your opinion about dictatorship, but as Voltaire went, I will fight for your right to say it. When Filipinos talk about dictatorship, they always seem to see Singapore and fail to see many of the world dictators say Mugabe or Fujimori or Stalin (whose reign, btw, was marked by a high GDP). Sure, google the world’s most successful dictators(and high gdps), but what are the chances we’ll get good dictators in the Philippines, when, in our democracy (albeit dysfunctional), we hardly get one single honest politician? Dictatorship depends heavily on the character of the person but that’s hard..people change. people die. people get overthrown. John Dalberg-Acton said “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.” But then I agree – we need to be a part of the US! haha 🙂

    1. Hi! Thanks for taking the time to read and reply to a ranty post of mine. I’ve also started to read your post. You weren’t kidding about it being long ha. I’ll also try to engage you there. So far, it’s been a fact-filled read.

      Anyway, on dictatorship, I did point out that people who wish for a return to that system are better-off living in the past via time machine or just slip away via inter-dimensional portal. I don’t agree with it and I think that the title of dictator falls on the assholes of history. Singapore is a different animal. I always see that country as an example of an entity with a plan and the will to execute it. I guess I won’t call someone a dictator if he or she gets the most positive results with the least collateral damage, to put it loosely.

      There are no honest politicians but there should be honest people who should keep these politicians in line. That’s where the engagement should come in. I believe that the people are too much into ME time without thinking that the politicians they put into office can affect how much ME time they can have in the future. I don’t know if I said that correctly. If we don’t care about who we vote for and manage to end up with a dictator, the fault falls largely on the citizenry.

      1. My entry is long because it was based on a book (Why Nations Fail by Acemoglu and Robinson )and I quote TONS of sources (can’t be accused of plagiarism now, can I?) para hindi puro opinion ko lang. Actually, I didn’t have any original opinion, everything has been said and stated before, from Africa, to South America to Asia. If you take off the names and read the commentaries about Liberia or Argentina, you’d think they’re talking about the Philippines. Which proves that the problems we are facing now is not unique to us. We are not “faulty” while others countries are just made up of good people/leaders. Many Filipinos are too Philippine-centric, failing to check on the world history before making illogical commentaries and forming opinions which people hang on to every word. Or sometimes they use certain metrics like GPDs failing to note how it translate to the common joe. I tried to present the Filipino problem in the context of the world backed by historical facts (majority of which are taken from the book too). We must learn from history.The truth is out there. Piece the puzzle together. Sayang naman ang access sa internet if not used wisely. The problem din Brian is that.. wala ng maiboto ang mga tao. Same names running for office. I think it goes a long way if say, we introduce some anti-dynasty laws. And I agree – our system should be able to make our politicians behave. Thanks for reading. 🙂

        1. An opinion is an opinion regardless if it’s borrowed or not. It’s in the way that you use it, kumbaga. It’s all cool and ang sipag mo nung sinulat mo yun ha. You should write some more on that subject. Frankly, in my case, I wrote some of my rants here kasi I sort of got fed up with the “what if” comments floating on the internet.

          I agree on your comments on the loose use of metrics. GDP? It’s almost like a PBA stat. Used in the Philippine context, “my president is better than your president kasi the GDP used to be blah blah blah. Eh ngayon?”

          For dynasties, ideally, I don’t believe that an entire family can be composed of assholes. Labo rin eh. The OICs before just reset the system without eliminating the old players. So now anong meron na? We have new dynasties along with the old oligarchs. Kumbaga, there was no follow-up after the upheavals. It’s almost like nagparty then nag-uwian na lang mga tao. Then paminsan minsan, magreminisce on how the awesome the party was. Nyay.

          Walang maiboto? Uwi ka dito and run for office. 🙂 Kidding. I just wanted to use that as a tool to state what’s wrong. We always wait for someone to lead and somehow end up with more opportunists than real servants of the people. True leaders would see the opportunity to achieve something great with the team. An opportunist would see a quick buck scheme kumbaga. Gandhi and Barack did point to that. I think more idealists are joining government today. I just hope they don’t get swallowed whole by the system.

          Great exchanging some words with you ha, Ma’am ikalwewe. I have an email addrees on my contact page here in case you want to send more words my way. Thanks!

  3. Brian, the corrupt former President was again voted in, and in Manila, at that. You’d think the people of manila would be more informed about governing…..
    politicians are corrupt, and can afford to be brazen about it because they know they can get away with it.
    Women politicians are sooooooooooooo heavily made -up.

    1. Hey, kiddo! Thanks for reading.

      I think people have a misunderstanding on how high-level corruption works and how it eventually affects them. Too much in the now. It’s like this: it’s okay if you steal from me just as long as you give me a gift later. Crazy power of misdirection.

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