Tales of Absolute Boredom

I must have been FAR-OUT PUSHING THE ENVELOPE BORED to even write these.

Rubber Bands, Relationships and Loving Thyself

A friend of mine mentioned to me that he had been encountering some relationship issues.  He said that he feels that that partnership is almost stretched like a rubber band near its breaking point.  I only hope that he and his partner snap back to normal, instead of hurtling towards opposite directions, much like in a tug-of-war with the rope breaking in the middle.

My general advice on making decisions — don’t make any hasty decisions while you are in an emotionally charged state or running on an empty stomach.  The “or” part comes in handy during trips to the supermarket.

Another friend mentioned to me that a person should learn to love oneself, as well, to be more effective in a relationship.  Yeah, I think a firm appreciation of the “self” tends to make one less needy of the other person.  Imagine the lunacy of having another person “completing” the other.  So, what happens when one isn’t intimately with another person?  Does that mean one is condemned to eternal misery?

Well, to that I say blessed are the narcissists.  And to that I say, blessed are narcissists with split personalities for they can have affairs with themselves.  And to that I say, blessed are the narcissistic human contortionists with split personalities for they can reach those spots no one would dare think of reaching.

And to that, my friend said she’ll practice more yoga.

A Pinoy Drunkard’s Take on Resolutions for 2014

As part of my 2014 resolutions, I’ll be having less of the non-meaningful drinking sessions with friends.  Gone are the shallow discussions.

That means, for 2014, there would be more of the drinking sessions featuring key discussions focused on:

1) The meaning of life and other philosophical discourses. .

2) The multiverse, inter-dimensional travel and the potential of time travel.

3) Ending world hunger

4) Finding the missing link between apes and humans.

5) Fixing the Philippines through out of the box solutions that have a snowball’s chance in hell of ever seeing daylight.  We can start off with coming up with the national treadmill/dynamo electricity generating machine for the unemployed and morbidly obese.

6) “Statistical analysis” (officially replacing the sports and boobs topic from previous years)

7) Family “bests” (officially replacing “wala yan sa lolo ko” or “my grandpa is better than your grandpa”)

***

Seriously, I plan on exercising daily — both mind and body.  I’ll try do a regular exercise routine and try to update this blog on a daily basis.   Planning and trying is already worth 50% the effort.

On Frogs and Princesses (and Piggies)

I remember watching a lot of Sesame Street as a kid,  “This is Kermit the Frog for Sesame Street news.”  I also remember him pairing up with the very much empowered Miss Piggy.  Boy, they certainly made a wonderful couple back then.  I wonder how they are doing now, imagine that, a meaty pig and a rather frail frog.  I haven’t been watching the Muppets and Sesame Street for quite some time now.

I wonder if frogs, and their metaphorical counterparts, can only get action onscreen and in fantasy?

The other day, I had a conversation with a friend about frogs and their role in fairy tales.  Frogs are possessive SOBs, if you ask me.  Like, how many stories are there with the frogs turning into a prince? One, right?  I think frogs aren’t portrayed favorably in the rest of the stories.  In Thumbelina, the frog even wanted to keep the protagonist for himself, or was it for a fellow frog? I don’t remember.  Then again, I don’t remember the rest of the stories with frogs in them.

Nonetheless, let us take up the cause for frogs and why they should be given a fair chance by the possessive/ dominant female:

1.  Frogs, well, they’re pretty low maintenance.  They eat flies, right?

Stuffed frogs

From the Graveyard of Frogs Failing to Launch (Stuffed frogs (Photo credit: Wikipedia))

2.  Frogs, they will not complain — even with intense nagging.  They basically don’t have ears.  Well, even if they did, I am not sure if they would understand what nagging is, either.

3.  Frogs, despite the slimy appearance, are quite fragile.  If the dominant female finally decides to get rid of him, she can simply crush him to bits.

4.  Frogs, although low probability, might actually turn out to be rich and into a prince from all the kissing. So, stay on it, ladies.  I mean, if you’re desperate enough.

5.  And yeah, you might love the tongue action. =P rrrrribbbbit!

Misplaced Irritation

What better way to spend a Black Saturday evening than to watch the latest episode of The Following, a week-delayed view of The Walking Dead and a more-than-three-month old SNL episode.

Sure, some might say that I would have been better off at a religious vigil somewhere in some old church in some old province. I just didn’t feel like squeezing in with a bunch of other people with the same idea. Besides, I think much of the religious events are getting far to be too commercial — that’s for a different writeup. And again, if I did go out, the chances of me binging on some other substances would be higher.  I’ll take TV, stay home, and sort of stay away from the stuff I abuse. Lousy excuse for a Catholic, right?

Anyway…

In the The Following, Claire finally gives in to her motherly instincts and allows herself to be taken to Joe and son Joey. Jacob is officially psycho, more psycho than he previously was which was tame psycho. You’ll get it if you watch the show. Jacob just could not get over the fact that Emma left him and Paul, AND the fact that he had to kill Paul.

In The Walking Dead, Rick finally decides that it’s much better to leave the next major decision to a vote. After all, he’s sort of going psycho too. Rick still hasn’t gotten over his wife’s death. He’s gotten so much more paranoid. After all, there aren’t many walking humans around and the only other ones left are trying to kill them.

In Saturday Night Live, I happened to catch a December 2012 (Christmas) episode and sort of loved the Weekend Update which featured “The Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation With at a Party.”  I can’t really describe why I found this entertaining, so here’s a link to a video clip I found on YouTube (from generalkilroy1).

While I found that character funny, it struck me, there are real people who are like that in real life and they’re not just girls AND not all have that irritating tone of voice. You’ll come across some wannabe know-it-all people you’d wish you’d get to run over and be hailed a hero afterwards. Come to think of it, we all get to become irritating at some point. Bouts of misplaced passion will do that to a person, know-it-all or not.

Points of reference, you’re most likely irritating:

1. If you are the type of person who would want to carry on a debate on whose turn it is to do the dishes like it was a new tax law affecting everyone in the civilized world. Like, just do what you’re supposed to do and complain later. Complaining just before you have to do something already agreed on just to find a way to squirm out of it is just so…

2. If you tend to adopt and twist some portions of ideologies to support your argument that you should not do the dishes. Like, thinking about which points to use in an argument would probably take the same amount of time to do the dishes.

3. If you want to end up screwing up everyone else’s day just because you wanted to have an argument on who should do the dishes. The approximate time that everyone is angry as hell is about the same time needed to finish doing the dishes.

Misplaced passion, wasted time, screw that. The point is, we should pick the battles we fight. If we all put the same priority and value to everything around us, we’ll all end up very much confused. You may be the smartest and most gifted person on the planet. However, if you don’t know when and how to use those talents, you’re still going to end up useless. Even the Bible says there’s a time for every purpose under Heaven.

Cooling down. After all, it is a holiday.  I don’t want to end up as the guy you wish you hadn’t started a conversation with on WordPress.

Spin and Silver Linings

One of my closest friends looks terrific in classic Ray-Ban Wayfarers, as in she looks hot wearing them (sucking up here). Personally, I find those too dark for me and doesn’t fit my round shaped face (being realistic here). I have squarish looking glasses that are polarized, no glare and I can see even in low light conditions without me looking like a blind man. While some friends refer to those glasses as being “congressional” in appearance, as in I kind of look like a corrupt Philippine congressman in a bad action movie or drama, I have nothing against wearing these in public. I guess it is more of utility rather than “looks” that is more important to me.

How we view things, perspective — attitude, if you must — is quite important. I overheard a street cleaner complaining about what she does for a living. She says that seeing dirt is the “story of her life” and hates it like it was one of the nine levels of hell. Attitude, I’ll call it “spin.” How do we put a spin on things to make them more appealing and tasteful?

Ray Ban Wayfarers

Not rose tinted.  It works just as well.  (Ray Ban Wayfarers. Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If I OD’d on Happy Meals, I would probably tell that street cleaner to buck up, keep her chin up and say “I am leaving a cleaner world behind after every time I decide to do my job. That is the story of my life.” I could also go with a slightly different “Zen” angle — “I clean and remove clutter. I free your mind from distraction.”

While I am still high, I will probably go off and tell some other people to feel nicer about themselves:

1. A toilet cleaner would probably tell himself that “I make the nasty stuff go down easier” or “I erase tracks of the past.”

2. On the extreme side of things, a stalker could probably serve as a living reminder for someone that he or she isn’t all that undesirable. Um, bad example.

3. Again on the extreme side of things, the person being stalked could serve as a living reminder for a stalker that he or she should immediately seek psychiatric help. Hey, we all break at some point. I feel you.

4. A lone toll booth teller at the far end of a lonely highway could have an upside by thinking he or she isn’t one of the persons I just mentioned above. There is always almost a silver lining to a bad situation you are in.

Silver linings, right. I saw the Silver Linings Playbook a couple of weekends ago. I felt that I had a strong connection with the main character played by Bradley Cooper. Not that I am an undiagnosed bipolar, which some people suggested to me, I feel like I am also trapped in a situation where I am lost trying to find a silver lining. Hey, we all end up in a rut at some point, right? There is a silver lining. I could always suggest that I look like Bradley Cooper on a bad day, but that’ll mean I’m really in need of psychiatric help.

Back to siesta time. It’s a holiday.