Weird Musings

In hindsight, I don’t know what I was thinking of when I started to blog these beauties.

I Read the “Daily Prompt: Ancient” and All I Could Think of was This…

via Daily Prompt: Ancient

…Ancient?  Ancient Aliens!

Oh, oh, oh! Mr. Tsoukalos’ awesome hair!

220px-tsoukalos_nola_comic_con_2012_a

According to ancient astronaut theorists, he always wakes up looking like this (image from Wikipedia)

Back to regular programming.

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Manila as the Rear Orifice of the Philippines

There’s an old joke–or story because I’m bad at telling jokes–that I heard many years ago. It was about certain body parts arguing on which one of them should be the boss of the body. The story goes:

The brain went first and claimed dominance over the body because it was “in charge of all the thinking.” The eyes was next and cited “Without me, you won’t know where you are.” The hands said, “I’m the muscle in this group. I move stuff! I am in charge!” The stomach replied, “Well, without me, hands, you won’t have energy to move anything. The food we get? I transform that into energy. I am the boss of you and the rest of the body.” “Well, try getting to the food without me. I’m everyone’s boss.” the legs retorted. The quiet rectum opened up and let out a thought, “Shut up, fools. I am your boss.” Every body part laughed at the rectum. In turn, the rectum decided to close up for good.

After some time, the place started to stink up. Everything got jammed up. There was even some lower back pain. The mouth let out a breath that flies seemed to like. The gut appeared larger than normal. The body cells, citizens of the body, were all cursing the brain, eyes, hands, legs, and stomach. Le yikes! They all gave in and told the rectum, “You win.”

In reality, when that urge to move is there, to hell with all the rest of the body functions. When one’s gotta go, one will go!

***

A few months ago, the city government of Manila, led by Mayor Erap and Vice Mayor Isko started tinkering around with Manila city’s traffic management. They fiddled around with a bus ban and a truck ban. Never mind that the commuters had to take several rides to get to and from Manila. The traffic issue needed solving. The government even had fights with truck operators who were having a difficult time conducting their business. The Port of Manila got jammed up. Never mind that. The traffic issue needed solving. It was the most important problem that the Government of Manila had to face and they were the right body orifices to solve it.

As a sidenote: just wondering where the brains of the Philippines went when they started this argument on traffic management. Hmm, at least the brains of the Philippines won’t ever claim that it is the most important part of the country.

Fast forward to a few months later, the trucks are just everywhere. Even the once fast-moving C5 became like a parade of turtles, even at 1 in the morning, because of the trucks. The Port of Manila got so jammed up that logistics companies complained about the people complaining about something they can’t control. Even my sister living abroad wanted to send me a big box package for Christmas super early. She asked me what I’d like to go in the box last freaking July. As a whole, businessmen cried over that port jam. Probably, that was payback for kicking him out of the presidency. Payback ala Corleone? Bwahahaha.

Fast forward to today, the greatest-ever and most legendary and most excellent Mayor of the City of Manila, the superest Hon. Joseph Ejercito Estrada finally relented and decided to lift the ban they started. Malacanang is relieved.  I just hope these folks do manage to undo the supposed damage done by that port congestion. They can have a hashtag: #OneBigFart! .

***

Ass-uming Manila accidentally became the rear of the Philippines–no thanks to the brains of the outfit–is the Torre de Manila the nasty looking wart that grew out of nowhere?

***

Seriously, that exercise in traffic management in Manila is a good example of how everything is interconnected. But at least in that example, there were people who wanted to do something about an issue. Maybe they should just do more thinking in the future. I know they meant well by trying to solve the traffic issue in the city of Manila. Since everything connected, maybe all of them people in charge of every agency and LGUs trying to look at traffic solutions should really sit down and plan.

As for me, I am a body cell. I die or get consumed by cancer cells.

Monday Morning Thought: It is All About Attitude

After a round of recharging on a Sunday I came upon an interesting question for myself, and possibly for other people out there: How will I act if I existed as an ant?

As an ant, would I:

* be content as a follower?  In a human context, just someone who mindlessly pushes a button to operate something.
* seen with the world as a backdrop, wallow in the fact that I am microscopic? I am just a static piece of the universe with no hope of have an effect on the world?
* rejoice in the fact that the world is big enough?  I can always think that this world is full of interesting sights, challenges, and possibly like-minded ants. From that point, those ants can set out to create something of value. After all, there is strength in numbers.
* be paranoid? I can play it safe, be overly anxious about the day when some giant finally gets to step on me and squish me to death.

It is all about attitude. It is all up to us how we take on this world. Whether you enjoy life as a trailblazer or as a couch potato, a fencesitter, it is all up to you.

Rubber Bands, Relationships and Loving Thyself

A friend of mine mentioned to me that he had been encountering some relationship issues.  He said that he feels that that partnership is almost stretched like a rubber band near its breaking point.  I only hope that he and his partner snap back to normal, instead of hurtling towards opposite directions, much like in a tug-of-war with the rope breaking in the middle.

My general advice on making decisions — don’t make any hasty decisions while you are in an emotionally charged state or running on an empty stomach.  The “or” part comes in handy during trips to the supermarket.

Another friend mentioned to me that a person should learn to love oneself, as well, to be more effective in a relationship.  Yeah, I think a firm appreciation of the “self” tends to make one less needy of the other person.  Imagine the lunacy of having another person “completing” the other.  So, what happens when one isn’t intimately with another person?  Does that mean one is condemned to eternal misery?

Well, to that I say blessed are the narcissists.  And to that I say, blessed are narcissists with split personalities for they can have affairs with themselves.  And to that I say, blessed are the narcissistic human contortionists with split personalities for they can reach those spots no one would dare think of reaching.

And to that, my friend said she’ll practice more yoga.

Self-deprecating Whatever

It’s simply amazing for me. I’ve found myself exercising, ROUTINELY, every day for the past week. I start my day with it and sometimes end the day with lifting of light weights, as in San Miguel Light Beer weights. In some circles, it can be called a round of GULP, which is not as boring as a round of golf.

Seriously, the rush of endorphins — the happy hormone — makes me feel good about myself. I’ve come to love and appreciate my nice rotund shape. Yes, I am in shape. Round is a shape, isn’t it?

My eternal obsession with having six-pack abs is finally yielding results.  I just need a liposuction job to get rid of the fat and finally uncover my great abdominal muscles. I’ll do that after I get cast in the other sequel of movie “300.” It’ll be called “600” and it features the heavier Spartans who couldn’t catch up with the rest of the team that died in the Hot Gates.

Fine.  I’ll admit it.  It’s just my stupid beer gut that I am dying to get rid of.  If one looks like a potbellied pig walking on two legs, like out of Animal Farm, I’m sure one is bound to obsess with it as well.

In related thinking, I think I ought to home brew my own beer and brand it “Abs.” It’ll be easier to get a six pack that way.

Sheesh. That’s me trying to be funny. I probably owe it to a friend’s friend who remarked that I looked like one of those popular funny persons in media today. In my mind, if I look funny by default, I might as well try to be funny.

Oh, well. Dying is easy.  Back to serious thinking.