Thinking on an Empty Stomach

Killing “Urgent”

via Daily Prompt: Urgent

I have the perfect formula to get everything marked as URGENT.

It is really quite simple: Forget everything you are supposed to do, at least temporarily. Procrastinate and wait for all the reminders that your time is really limited. Just to be sure, start really late with your tasks.

I have the perfect formula to deal with everything marked as URGENT.

It is really quite simple. Don’t forget everything you are supposed to, not even temporarily. Do not procrastinate and wait for all the reminders that your time is really limited. To be sure, start early. Come in when everybody else isn’t around yet.

Yes, that way, if something urgent lands on your desk, arrives as email, or via carrier pigeon, or via express squawking, nagging boss, you would actually have time to deal with it.

 

 

 

You Thought of Something Gaseous

This is going to be a quickie.

I saw this one as I scrolled down my Facebook newsfeed:

gaseous

Among guys, a strong gaseous fart solidifies bonds. However, I am not too sure about the proper timing of farts in new couples.

The Trouble with Words is…

…once  they leave your mouth, there is no real retraction. Once you click on send, your words end up being read (or ignored). Most often, words behave like homing pigeons, or worse, they behave like missiles that home in on (un)intended targets either bringing an explosion of laughter or numbing sadness.

Yes, messages can be misunderstood and can even be fatal.

It’s Hard to be a Pair of Balls (Probably someone’s story at work)

Alarm goes off. You look for the phone or alarm clock. Snooze for about 5 more minutes.

You wake up.

22

Be the bouncy one in the office.

You have coffee and some breakfast.

You take a shower.

Leave for work.

Work. Excel. Survive.

Go home. Go home with huge sense of accomplishment. Tell yourself, “I am the greatest.” Puff yourself up for the next round.

That could be daily routine for the high flying top performers at work. But there’s more to that.

It’s hard staying at the top of your game all of the time. Why? Unless you hold the power in the office, you’ll be just like a pair of balls. Yes, the kind that’s in a sack that dangles between human legs. No matter how big you are, ultimately, you’ll be squeezed by some other person or situation. It is not always that pretty, like being squished between a sweaty pair of big legs.

 

 

Manila as the Rear Orifice of the Philippines

There’s an old joke–or story because I’m bad at telling jokes–that I heard many years ago. It was about certain body parts arguing on which one of them should be the boss of the body. The story goes:

The brain went first and claimed dominance over the body because it was “in charge of all the thinking.” The eyes was next and cited “Without me, you won’t know where you are.” The hands said, “I’m the muscle in this group. I move stuff! I am in charge!” The stomach replied, “Well, without me, hands, you won’t have energy to move anything. The food we get? I transform that into energy. I am the boss of you and the rest of the body.” “Well, try getting to the food without me. I’m everyone’s boss.” the legs retorted. The quiet rectum opened up and let out a thought, “Shut up, fools. I am your boss.” Every body part laughed at the rectum. In turn, the rectum decided to close up for good.

After some time, the place started to stink up. Everything got jammed up. There was even some lower back pain. The mouth let out a breath that flies seemed to like. The gut appeared larger than normal. The body cells, citizens of the body, were all cursing the brain, eyes, hands, legs, and stomach. Le yikes! They all gave in and told the rectum, “You win.”

In reality, when that urge to move is there, to hell with all the rest of the body functions. When one’s gotta go, one will go!

***

A few months ago, the city government of Manila, led by Mayor Erap and Vice Mayor Isko started tinkering around with Manila city’s traffic management. They fiddled around with a bus ban and a truck ban. Never mind that the commuters had to take several rides to get to and from Manila. The traffic issue needed solving. The government even had fights with truck operators who were having a difficult time conducting their business. The Port of Manila got jammed up. Never mind that. The traffic issue needed solving. It was the most important problem that the Government of Manila had to face and they were the right body orifices to solve it.

As a sidenote: just wondering where the brains of the Philippines went when they started this argument on traffic management. Hmm, at least the brains of the Philippines won’t ever claim that it is the most important part of the country.

Fast forward to a few months later, the trucks are just everywhere. Even the once fast-moving C5 became like a parade of turtles, even at 1 in the morning, because of the trucks. The Port of Manila got so jammed up that logistics companies complained about the people complaining about something they can’t control. Even my sister living abroad wanted to send me a big box package for Christmas super early. She asked me what I’d like to go in the box last freaking July. As a whole, businessmen cried over that port jam. Probably, that was payback for kicking him out of the presidency. Payback ala Corleone? Bwahahaha.

Fast forward to today, the greatest-ever and most legendary and most excellent Mayor of the City of Manila, the superest Hon. Joseph Ejercito Estrada finally relented and decided to lift the ban they started. Malacanang is relieved.  I just hope these folks do manage to undo the supposed damage done by that port congestion. They can have a hashtag: #OneBigFart! .

***

Ass-uming Manila accidentally became the rear of the Philippines–no thanks to the brains of the outfit–is the Torre de Manila the nasty looking wart that grew out of nowhere?

***

Seriously, that exercise in traffic management in Manila is a good example of how everything is interconnected. But at least in that example, there were people who wanted to do something about an issue. Maybe they should just do more thinking in the future. I know they meant well by trying to solve the traffic issue in the city of Manila. Since everything connected, maybe all of them people in charge of every agency and LGUs trying to look at traffic solutions should really sit down and plan.

As for me, I am a body cell. I die or get consumed by cancer cells.